chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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