she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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