Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize