Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
