Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
