Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
