you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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