I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
