youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
