i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
