if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
