Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
