She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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