There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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