What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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