My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
