How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
