I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
