I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
