Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
