it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
