She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
