JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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