so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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