Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
