i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and she was petting her beer can
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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