In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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