Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it because I queefed?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
