Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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