All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
