my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
