In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We had to coat check the pizza.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
