I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
