mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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