ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
