I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
