he wants to bone in the snuggie
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
