My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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