The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
