Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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