A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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