i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
