6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
