Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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