You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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