mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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