If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
