If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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