Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
