just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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