i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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