I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
