we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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