why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
