FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
