you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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