she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
