Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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