Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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