i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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