is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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