real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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