I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
