dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
