She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
