just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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