The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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