You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
